My Own Personal Hell
by 0o0Wish.It.Away0o0
Summary: What if Bella's life was not-so-perfect, What if she stayed in Phonex with her mum and Dad untill they died. If she was an orphan, what would happen then? Stuck with an abusive farther in a silent world. Can Bella survive or will she be pulled too far into the depths of despair


You know rain is like tears, it falls uncontrollably and without warning- when it starts it just can't stop. I admire the way it dances on the streets and slides down your window; its free and somehow just looking at it makes me feel refreshed. I wish I could cry- I wish that some how someone could pull me out of the wreck that I am undoubtedly sitting in. I would be lying if I said that someone did try and help me that one time... But they haven't and they never will- My name is Bella, Isabella Swan and welcome to my personal Hell..

''Isabella you piece of shit get down stairs NOW!'' Charlie called from the downstairs living room.

Charlie is my foster dad- he treats me the way I feel.

Like crap.. But at least I have a roof over my head for now. It could be worse- I think... Every day I wake up in the sunniest city around, Phoenix, I may live in a happy beach place but that is far from the truth for me. My bedroom is small and dark the only light source comes from a small window at the rear of the box I live in. I don't actually own a bed frame- Charlie says there too expensive. Which is code for 'Why should I spend my money on you!'' But I still don't blame him...

I have a mattress on the floor, a pillow and a sheet. I have a small wooden wardrobe situated just left of my window. The wardrobe is old and battered- Scratches layer the inside and out. I swear to god that he used to keep live cats in there or something. I only recently got the wardrobe before I did I used to pile my clothes up in the corner; it was never a big pile...

I have 1 pair of pyjamas they have 148 943 wrote on the front and 'FREE FREE FREE' written on the back. The trousers weren't really trousers at all they were booty shorts. I mean short-short-short shorts. I really don't know where he got them from but when I got them they were filthy and fraying and about 5 sizes to big- I fixed them up and now they are ummm, suitable. As for the rest of my clothes they arrived in the same manor and same state and the pyjamas did. I officially own a plain grey jumper that arrived with a bullet hole in the centre of it. In cut down the hole and added a zipper from one of my late jackets, also adding two shoelaces to the top. I now have a jacket to wear. I it warm but I don't have to wear it much in the sweltering fire ball that is Phoenix. I also own a pair of ripped shorts, a crop top that had the words 'I 'heart' sex' on it (I swiftly rubbed of so now its just a plain red crop top!) 2 plain tops, 1 pair of ripped skinnies and 1 pair of joggers- that did have a blood stain on them...

I have a pair of converse and a pair of black boots. My clothes are not in good condition AT ALL! I think that all my clothes have come from the evidence locker at Charlie's work. I wouldn't be surprised if they have; he is police Chief Swan and everybody loves him, except for me. I suppose that my joggers still have blood on them now... not the same blood; My blood.

The rest of my room is as good as my clothes. Worthless and boring; The carpet is a muddy brown colour and the walls are peach- I have a photo of my mother and farther hung up on the wall. Their names are Renee and Phil. I miss them so much every time I think of them my heart swells to about 5 sizes too big. They were the best parents ever...

But this brings me back to the harsh reality of life. Right now I am sat on my old wooden wardrobe so I can see out of the tiny window. It is raining, raining hard. I love the rain its free and beautiful and I like the way it dribbles down the glass after its feeble attempt to hammer the glass. But the rain will never break the glass it is too weak and the rain will never achieve its dream just like me. Rain comes from the clouds. I know this much; even though I've never been to actual school since I was like 7 years old. When my parents died so did my education, well all except my reading and science. My reading is actually impeccable because during my 9 lonely years books have been my friends.

As for my science I have done quite well because when I was 10 years old I met a man- his name was Carlisle. I was going to get some more beer for Charlie and he saw me. I remember the day we met even though it was 7 years ago...

I dragged my feet through the street up to the newly made Wall Mart, literally- I had been living with Charlie for 2 years now. I may have been only 10 but Charlie had no trouble breaking my left leg. As I rounded the corner to get to the shop I saw a man. He must have been like only 25 years old but damn he was beautiful- he had blonde hair and golden eyes. I knew when I looked at him that he was impeccably rich you could tell by the way he walked and the clothes he wore. Walking next to him was a pixie like girl; she seemed tiny compared to the tall structure of the man stood next to her. The pixie had dark brown hair it was very short and stuck out at lots of different angles. She was very undeniably pretty- her golden eyes were shining but it looked as if her mind was in a different world. I envied the man and the girl. They were perfect, perfect looks, perfect life- The teenager eyes became more focused and she met my gaze pity in her eyes. I swiftly hobbled away dragging my foot behind me. Maybe she thought I was lost? I suppose back then I was naive, I was only 10 years old so I took it as she felt pity for me being alone and hurt. She stood on her tippy-toe's and whispered into the blonde man's ears. The blonde man crouched a bit so she could successfully whisper.

I caught only snaps of what the pixie said and this is exactly what I caught..

'' My Vision...clearer...month...2 years...hurt...education...'' She said in a bell like tinkling voice. Then I caught no more because her lips were moving so fast- it was almost mesmerising, I didn't look away I just stopped and stared at the golden eyed couple. Then the pixie lowered back onto her flat feet. She was wearing ballet flats they were red leather with little black bow's. She wore a short denim skirt that showed her perfect legs. But she was so pale. She also wore a tank top, normal in Phoenix yes, but not when it's raining! She didn't shiver once. I caught the whole bit of text that the man said.

'' Alice, we need to hurry up, it wont rain for long and as soon as the clouds clear we will… You know...Why are we here anyway Alice? I mean this is so dangerous. I mean we are in PHOENIX!'' His voice was perfect and melodic. But there was anger lacing his tone. There was something almost predatory about his stance and voice; Let me remind you I was naive and only 10 years old before I continue because my next move was beyond stupid.. I tried to run away- natural instinct. I know that they were only people but for some reason they were almost scary… I ran. But I forgot about the broken leg. And my prone to disaster clumsiness. I got about 2 metres and then my broken leg got caught on my converse shoelace and I tumbled ungracefully too the hard concrete. It hurt... A lot. But not nearly as much as this morning when I forgot to make Charlie breakfast because I slept in. He threw me down the stairs breaking my leg as it got caught on a banister. Then he sent me out to get beers without a care in the world- He never did. He hated the ground I walked on and he still does. Why? I don't know at all, and I still don't but it doesn't matter he is just a bitter man.

''Little girl are you ok?'' The man's voice pulled me out of deep thought, his golden eyes right near to mine. My intelligent reply was a small grunt- I was too busy staring at the man's beauty it was almost in-human. No wrinkles or spots or any scar or bruise in sight. My jealously levels were boiling to all-time high.

''Carlisle'' The little pixie whose name was Alice said kneeling down next to me her, perfect, face staring at me. To be honest she must have been about 17 years old and she was only a bit taller than me. ''I think her leg is broken!''

Carlisle leaned over me and touched my broken bone. His touch was barely even there but it was still excursively pain full.

''Owww'' I screamed out in pain as he applied the smallest bit of pressure. He retracted his hand quickly and Alice looked at me sympathetically.

''Miss, you need to go to hospital to get that fixed up.'' He said analysing my leg at the same time, his rock solid golden eyes never leaving mine. It was kind of intimidating.

''Nah, I'm quite alright Sir'' I said remembering my manners that my mum taught me.

'' Your leg has been broken; you need to get it bandaged up!'' He exclaimed shaking his head.

The next thing I said came out of my mouth before I could stop it, '' I haven't just broken it'' I blurted out, '' I don't need your help!'' I said slightly flustered.

Alice decided to make herself know at this point ''My name is Alice Cullen, this is my Dad Carlisle, he's a doctor- he can help you- stop the pain in your leg. And may I be as rude to ask how you broke it?'' She asked in a perky voice.

It made me sick.

''I fell down the DAMN stairs ok! I'm clumsy and I fell! I don't need any of your help, I can handle the pain'' I said in a sarcastic voice putting emphasis on the word pain. If she thought I was in pain now she should wait till tonight once Charlie had downed his 4 beers. Let's just say I lost my innocence after 5 days spent in Charlie's house.

''Miss, calm down please'' Carlisle begged in a sickly sweet voice, there perfectness was annoying the hell out of me.

'' MY NAME IS BELLA, Not miss or little girl. Or whatever other crap you are going to call me!'' I was fuming, positively fuming at these two perfect people who loomed over me making my ten year old body feel very, very small.

At that point my brain was clouded and my sense was non-existent. I tried to get to my feet cringing when my leg hit the floor. At least I wasn't too unfortunate I was able to clamber to my feet trying to ignore the shooting pain coursing through my broken leg. I could tell that I was bleeding violently through my left shoulder, yes the pain was bad but it had been worse; lots worse.

'' Bella, you must come to the hospital with me and Alice. For your safety, and my peace of mind!'' I could tell that he was getting angry now, but just like me my ten year old self was stubborn as a stone and was not giving in to the beautiful man.

''I couldn't care less about you peace of mind Carlisle, I will live! It's only a little blood and a broken bone'' I tried to brush it off but as I said it out loud it sounded really bad. I know they thought that I had a mental condition but I needed to leave and get to the shop before Charlie got angry for me taking too long. '' I need to go'' I exclaimed pushing past Alice.

My leg felt like someone was jabbing me with 100 knife's but if I learnt one thing from my time with Charlie was 'never show pain.' I have to say that it was terrifically hard not to show the pain that naturally flowed to my facial features. But I did. I took a massive breath and continued to walk towards Wall Mart trying extremely hard not to wince with every step; or when the wind sliced at the bloody cut on the shoulder. But somehow it seems that the angels were looking out for me and I managed to get too the doors of Wall Mart without tripping or screaming out with pain.

I made my way into Wall Mart easily and out again holding a 6 can of beer. You see Charlie is Chief of Police at Phoenix and he easily got me a pass at just the age of 10 to go to any shop and buy beer. I would never drink it through or else Charlie would beat me senseless and trust me being beat senseless is not an un-painful thing...

All through the shop I was thinking about the beautiful man and how defeated he looked when I walked away; I was still confused though... He actually let me go- He let a 10 year old girl walk off with a massive gash in her shoulder and a broken leg. Then I remembered the teenage pixie and how she looked almost confused at my reaction and I remembered her face when I walked away it seemed like she was almost about to cry. What was with this totally beautiful weirdo's?

I was wrapped in thoughts like normal hobbling out of the sliding doors at the front. It really was amongst my worst habits like... Biting my bottom lip, clumsiness or rubbing my thumb against the palm of my hand- even though it caused terrible blisters! Anyway I was lost in thought about the beautiful people when I ran into a brick wall. Well I thought it was a brick wall; it was actually a person- I stumbled back when I hit the hardness of the man's chest and ended up on my bum my leg curled underneath I winced in pain. But once the pain has subsided all I felt was pure anger- I knew my face would have been going red.

''LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!'' I screeched in a surprisingly high tone, I had dropped Charlie's beer all over the street and the cans had popped. He was going to kill me; I didn't have enough money to buy him a new set of beers. I shut my eyes hard trying to get the thought out of my mind about tonight. When I opened my hazel eyes, I was overcome with putrid anger as I was met with the same medalling eyes as earlier.

''YOU, YOU!'' I stumbled for words because anger plagued me, ''Ugggghhh'' I grunted in disgust. Clambering to my feet completely ignoring all the pain and ache's in my body; I scowled at him and tried to turn away, but seen as fate hates me, I tripped...AGAIN! But instead of falling and breaking another one of my bones Carlisle caught me in his arms; I can't say it was completely comfortable- his arms were hard and metal like and they were ever so cold.

''Bella, would you mind telling me why you are carrying beer?'' He said in a disapproving voice, a strange feeling ran through me like electricity. I almost felt guilty even though I had known him for 10 minutes, and had been angry with him for like 8 of those. I don't know why but I felt an urge to tell him everything. But I didn't...

''Not that it's any of your business, Carlisle, but it's for Charlie'' I spat; I was surprised from my tone, it was almost menacing...

''May I ask who Charlie is?'' He said unfazed by my voice; his voice was just curious. Like before I felt almost obliged to tell him.

''Charlie is my foster dad, and I MUST get home!'' I said finally remembered I had been out for like 20 minutes- He was going to K-I-L-L me! I had no beer, no money and no time!

''Why?'' He asked in an innocent voice.

''I just must!'' I said aggravated that he was taking up more of my time. It seemed that this man was a lot more nosy than I had first thought.

'' Please let me take a look at your leg, it is definitely broken and your shoulder is all ripped up!'' He exclaimed you could tell the obvious pity in his voice.

''It only gets worse'' I muttered so quietly that Carlisle shouldn't have been able to hear it. It was barely even a whisper. But he did.

''What?'' He said in a confused tone '' Worse?''

I just shook my head, my ten year old self was so naive I should have told that man that day but I didn't...

''Anyway, thanks for knocking me down and ruining the beers'' I said with sarcasm trying to change the topic. It didn't work you could see that the questions were swirling round his golden eyes.

''I'm sorry Bella, let me walk you home and I will explain to Charlie what happened''

After that I couldn't say no, He walked me home gracefully and whenever I tripped he caught me. He knocked on the door and Charlie answered, I was surprised he actually lugged his body of the sofa to answer the door. But the day was full of surprises. Carlisle explained about the beer and other Shit and then he decided to ask Charlie about my leg. Big Mistake! Charlie grunted and shut the door in his face. I felt really bad for the kind man that walked me home so that night after Charlie beat me too an unconscious pulp, I crawled to my desk and wrote a letter...

''Dear Carlisle and Alice.

I am sorry for Charlie's behaviour, he doesn't normally act so inappropriate; he just wanted a beer and he was a bit grouchy after a long day at work. I hope you accept my apology on behalf of the Swan household. I also apologise for my behaviour that day, I was not thinking straight. I thank you for your kindness and concern.

From Bella

OK, that was a good enough lie, believable enough, I suppose... I was proud for coming up with something so believable. The next day I left the note on the pavement where I first saw Alice and Carlisle hopping they would come back to Wall Mart.

I seemed they did.

Two days later I go a long letter in the post of Carlisle.

Dearest Bella,

Thank you for your letter Bella it means allot to me too know that you cared to write. It was a pleasure meeting you and I do not blame you for any of your behaviour; I and Alice can be a bit... intimidating. I hope you didn't get in trouble for not bringing home the beer. I really didn't mean to startle you, not at all, I apologise for any trouble I may have caused you. I hope that Charlie took you to the doctors, but I very much doubt it...

Isabella, do not treat me like a fool, I am not. I am a doctor not a fool. I know that Charlie very much doesn't care; I know nothing of your life Bella so I cannot judge. I do hope he doesn't hurt you, but I will take your word...

It has taken everything in my will to walk away from you Bella, my fatherly instincts are in overdrive- I may have only know you a short time but you are a lovely girl and deserve to be happy. I hope we meet again someday Bella and I wish you the best in life.

Love

Carlisle C,

Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett, Esme and Edward.

Tears uncontrollably fell from my eyes as I read through the letter sat on my mattress. This was all too much, this man was too kind and too beautiful. I silently thanked him for his hope and added it to the list of things that I would never been able to do, thank Carlisle and all the Cullen's. I went to put the letter on top of the wardrobe when about 7 leaflets fell out of the thick envelope. I read through them all, they were all about science. I lapped up the information like drugs and read it over and over again.

I remember that day and that promise forever. They have imprinted themselves onto my heart and I will always remember that hope Carlisle gave me no matter how fake it was...

The rain stopped falling as the last tear shaped droplet danced down the small window pane. I sat crossed leged on my wardrobe gazing out at the rainbow in the distance. It was mesmerising and stunning I stared at it for maybe 1 minuet before a harsh and gruff voice pulled me from my mind.

''Isa-fucking-Bella get your arse down stairs before I have to whoop it!'' He screeched. Damn fucking Charlie. I jumped of my wardrobe only stumbling a bit when I landed I climbed down the wooden ladders that lead down to the landing. As I passed the mirror I gazed at myself.

I was short, about 5 foot 4. I have a brown caramel hair it goes to about my shoulder blades. My eyes are a muddy brown colour and I have a thick purple bruise around my left one from yesterday.. My bottom lip is thicker than my top and my lips are almost dyed a permanent bloody red. I have a small button nose that has a bit of blood underneath it from this morning. I am wearing a plain blue puffy shirt that has a blood stain on the left arm… I have put red paint dotting everywhere so you don't notice. I am wearing denim shorts and no shoes. I am an average girl nothing worth a double take...

I swiftly moved on to the living room and stood in front of the T.V that Charlie was gazing at.

''Isabella, you finally decided to grace us with your presence.'' He said in a sickly sweet voice. This was bad, very bad...

''Bella, dear why don't you talk to me...'' He moaned while shoving his dirty hand up my lose shirt and pulling at the bra. I shook my head but took a bit breath as well to brace myself for the oncoming crap.

''You haven't talked to me in 5 years Bell's but let's see if I can get you too groan''...

That day was hell, throughout the whole thing I became an emotional figure I made no move and no notice to every hand or finger that touched my small frame. He just fucked me till he was done and then fell asleep on top of me. I winced as I opened my eyes to meet his ugly face with eyes bulging in a sickening manner.

He gave a gruesome smile, showing his rotting yellow teeth, his breath leaving a permanent imprint on my fragile mind. Then out of the blue he announced-

''Morning Bella, Pack your things. We're moving today.'' He said rolling of my weak body. ''Were going to Forks.''


End file.
